piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
