Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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