bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
