just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
