was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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