i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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