My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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