Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
