Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's get the cat blown out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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