if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
