Porn is love you can see.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
