just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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