yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
