does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
