Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want to be your penis for a week.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
