I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
