We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
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Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.