i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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