I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
