you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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