Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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