I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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