i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
