That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
