I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
