I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
