You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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