Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
