he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
