Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
