I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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