I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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