Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
