My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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