Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
