dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
