SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
