I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
