The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
