i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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