I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
