Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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