If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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