Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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