Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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