bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
