What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
