I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
