i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
