If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
