I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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