The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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