Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
