You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no you cant smoke seaweed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
