we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he puts the penis in happiness.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
