2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
