We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
