She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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