His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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