Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
