We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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