The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
