Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
