someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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