Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
