I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
