My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
