he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
